The only way that raising children could be any harder is if they decided to unionize.
My 16yr old son has the saddest facial hair. It looks like he ate something sticky and then rolled on the cat.
Congress declares school lunch pizza a vegetable. All part of "No Child Left Without a Giant Behind."
A pessimist is merely someone who recognizes that every silver lining is attached to a cloud.
I wish the "I'm not a morning person" excuse could apply to whole days.
I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.
If Twitter's taught me anything it's that anyone who says they want to sleep with me is probably a spambot.