I think I might be an amazing pro baseball player stuck in the body of a chubby Internet dork.
Nothing makes me question my manhood while at work more than the times I need to change the bottle on the water cooler.
Costco sells Guy Fieri marinated meat. At times like this, my tendency to take things literally leaves me with an ugly mental image.
I wouldn't be a bum for long because I'd have clever phrases on my cardboard signs like: "WILL NOT WORK FOR FOODIES" or "I'M KIND OF A BEG DEAL"
When I find out that my friends have diarrhea, I tickle them.
Does Special Teams take the short bus to football games?
I got excited when I made this cute baby smile. Then she put it in perspective by giggling at the fat slob next to me when he burped.