Funny Statuses

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

When I’m at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What’s your most frequently photographed entree?

I'm not stealing my neighbor's WiFi, their WiFi is trespassing into my house.

We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.

Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?

Don't ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they're fake or real?