I can't drink champagne anymore after having a really bad experience. We had it at my wedding.
I'm going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he's dressed. He was asking for it!"
Cyberbilly
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
So far I haven’t lost any weight eating these Thin Mints, but I’m committed to this diet 100%!
Robert Zunick
I hate it when people call dogs “stupid”. I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poo?
Robert Zunick
A group of mistakes is called a life.
Novell
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.