Funny Statuses

If owls are so smart, how come they don't say "Whom"?

People that use statistics in everyday arguments are jerks 100% of the time

Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I'm a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.

I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?

“Careful, there’s poop on the dance floor.” – how ballet was invented.