Funny Statuses

Plot Twist: the extreme cold in America is actually just Disney’s advertising campaign for Frozen.

Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we're having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tongue would get stuck to?

My internet dropped, so I went to reboot the router. My neighbor was pissed!

I'm going to safety pin a couple of dollar bills to my shirt tomorrow and see how many people give me a dollar. Not because it's my birthday; I just figure it's better than pole dancing.

Coaster? You're assuming I plan to put my drink down...

I love you more than coffee, but not always before coffee.

I sometimes pee in the shower. My wife complains that it's only ok if I'm actually taking a shower.