Ugly people with great bodies should be required to wear a sign on their back with a picture of their face on it.
Every time I start to think that Facebook might be alright after all, I get 30 Farmville requests.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said "This dumbass put my cape on backwards."
Dear 3 am, we've got to stop meeting this way... I'd much rather sleep with you.
There are some things you just shouldn't do for a Klondike Bar...
I didn't trip. The floor gave me a dirty look, so I attacked it.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"