You ever feel a crap coming that makes you think, “maybe I should stretch first?”
Have you seen the new movie "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet.
When snorting Coke, be careful. It is extremely difficult to get an ice cube out of a nose.
First olympic sailing result just in. GB has taken gold, Australia has taken silver, and Somalia has taken the boat...
Michael Mendoza
I saw some ducks at the pond practicing their teenage girl faces yesterday.
Michael Mendoza
First Michael Jackson, then Neil Armstrong?! Something telling me god is not a fan of moon walkers.
Thinking about leaving some milk and cookies out for Jesus. Hey, it works with Santa Claus, right?! #rapture