Amigo
I’ve spent at least 15% of my life pulling a chain & trying to figure out if the ceiling fan is speeding up or slowing down
Cris
I don’t think my boss appreciated me jiggling my butt in her face this morning. But, in my defense she told me to “get twerk”.
Cris
No thanks, marriage. If I want to never get laid, I'll just start wearing crocs.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd love to bring a guest.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can't find it.
A recent earthquake has wiped out Etchisketchistan.
Novell
What do Eskimo's get from sitting on a block of ice? Polaroids.