Hey, I don't snore! I just dream I'm a motorcycle...
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Alicia Keys' "girl on fire" would make an awesome Vagisil commercial.
It's called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.
Robert Zunick
If someone says they’re gonna open up a can of whoop ass, that means someone out there is canning whoop ass…I’d be more afraid of that second guy.