Funny Statuses

If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.

Make your employees work 8x faster by constantly playing that music from Sonic the Hedgehog when you’ve been under water for too long.

I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

I’m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.

Remember when the “M” in “MTV” stood for music and not morons?

At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’

Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you're ugly.