Funny Statuses

Snooki just wrote another book, which is an amazing accomplishment considering she's still trying to learn how to read her first one.
My Grandma says "warsh" instead if "wash", "zink" instead of "sink" & "You're a disappointment" instead of "I love you." Old people are wacky
The number one cause of losing your social life is a social networking site.
If they ever put a DUI checkpoint at a Taco Bell drive-thru, it's safe to say we're all screwed.
When are they going to air the commercial where the recipient of a car in a giant ribbon says, "A LEXUS! We can’t afford this, you idiot!"?
If I die in my sleep you can actually say that I died doing what I loved.
Asked my wife if she thought my mustache was sexy, but then she remembered a joke she heard earlier and was laughing too hard to answer.
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