Xyuppi
I will be mailing out a W-2 on January 5th for everyone who was up in my business this year.
Xyuppi
I keep saying Alexa when I mean to say Siri and I just cant believe that I live in a time where i am getting my servant robots' names mixed up.
Xyuppi
Australia’s biggest EXPORT are boomerangs, incidentally it is their biggest IMPORT too
I don’t need to watch the news to tell me how hard it’s going to snow, as I can always tell by how many loaves of bread are left on the shelf at the supermarket.
I want a massage, so I'm going to tape scratch-offs to my back to lure in some unsuspecting gas station vagrants.
I like to knock on random doors and say, “Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail.”
When god closes the door he opens a window. when my boss closes the door I crap my pants.