Xyuppi
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
Xyuppi
Today's Horoscope: You're gullible.
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Xyuppi
I'm 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Xyuppi
My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
Too bad alcohol isn't heavily discounted the day after St. Patrick's Day the way candy is after Valentine's Day.
Friday the 13th is just a holiday started by big hockey to sell more masks