When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple "calm down" in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.
Why do people use the phrase "work like a dog" ? I wish I worked like my dog. I would sleep 18 hours a day.
L.A. traffic is so bad it would be quicker to ride piggyback on a midget with a limp.
When sitting next to a McDonalds playland and a parent asks "Which one is yours?"The correct answer is NOT "I haven’t picked one out yet!"
Spell-check is always write.
Ever seen Cookie Monster’s feet? No! That’s diabetes for you.
No one was donating money to the child cancer fund at work so I changed the sign to "Robot Shark Research." Little Billy's gonna make it.