Funny Statuses

Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet..

Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment. because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.

I wonder what the part of my brain, that used to store telephone numbers, is doing nowadays.

White Claw tastes like you are drinking TV static while someone screams the name of a fruit from another room.

It’s very sad that fathers only get one day but sharks get a whole week.

It smells like a stripper in the office

Ladies, do you like the strong, silent type? Then you'll love my farts.