Florida
Bad news, A friend of mine fell into a reupholstering machine. Good news, Hes now recovered.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
It's Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I've spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
Xyuppi
I'm selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
If you're over 18 but under 21 and are arrested for drinking alcohol, you can be charged as an adult for being under aged.
This "Spring Forward" thing would be a lot more popular if we moved the clocks ahead at 2PM on Monday.