Funny Statuses

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

I went to Big Lots with a $100 gift card. They just handed me the keys to the store.

Batman's parents got killed when he was lil Wayne.

I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn't have the same effect.

I hate when I lose things at school like my pen and self-motivation.

A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.