Saw a CNN story titled, "Is Sex Advice In 'Transformers 3' Better Than Nothing?" Turned off my computer. Lit my journalism degree on fire.
I don't care about its correlation to my ability to trust them─ I just like throwing people.
I wonder where they find these people who have no clue that they can walk into a grocery store and buy a Klondike bar for $2.
4 out of 5 bubble baths result in Santa Claus beards.
It takes police too long to respond to 911 calls. If I get robbed I'm ordering Chinese food and asking them to bring a gun.
Wife called and said she's bringing me a salad home from McDonalds...that's like going to a hooker for a hug.
Shia LaBeouf is what happens when you name your child from a random rack of Scrabble tiles.