If your glass is always half empty, buy smaller glasses.
You can blame absolutely everything on your parents. It's either genetics, or how they raised you.
Quentin Tarantino's face looks like he's constantly trying to figure out who farted.
Squirrels. Tiny parachutes. Slingshot. Weekend planned.
"And now for something completely different." - Monty Python or any politician answering a question they don't like.
How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?
Are you SURE you hung up the phone before you started trashing the person you were just talking to?" -- My brain, being a jerk