Next time you're in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
It's "before" not "B4". You speak English, not BINGO.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not crap your pants.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
World peace? We can't even navigate a four way stop without wanting to murder each other in extremely painful ways
Man, I love Halloween. I can get free candy without going into a van!