Funny Statuses

Didn't Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
To all you guys who call me boring, at least the police say I'm "a person of interest".
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Cyberbilly
I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
I'm that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
I've burned my mouth while eating a slice of pizza so, yes, I do know what it's like when a loved one betrays you.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyways?
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