˙ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ pǝsn ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʇ ןןǝʍ
Today sucks more than a tyrannosaurus fielding ground balls.
On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.
I just saw a "Git-R-Done" bumper sticker on a Prius and I don't know what's real anymore.
I'd rather sit naked on an iceberg serenaded by Rebecca Black for the rest of my life than let anyone see the full history of things I've googled.
When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch.
When I die, I want catnip to be planted over my grave. Then, all the stray cemetery cats will flock to my grave and rub all over it, and people will think I was some kind of cat god.