Funny Statuses

My wallet is like a onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.

You're so vain, I bet you think this post is about you.

If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.

My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I'm bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...

This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.

I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…

If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet