I wish I had three hands so that I could flip people off inside of air quotes.
They laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing anymore.
goldin
me: dad can i go to a 50 cent concert Dad: here's a dollar take your sister too
I child-proofed my house, but they still got in.
You say "couple holding hands". I say "spontaneous red rover".
Someone needs to open a bar named "The Gym".
I want "Wake me if anything cool happens" on my tombstone.