If you get excited that jumping on the bed won't spill the wineglass on the other side, you're probably an alcoholic.
Botox doesn't make you look young, it makes you look like you think you're old.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour.
I'll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing a cast.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I'd do for an open bar.