Funny Statuses

I bet the minivan industry hates the condom industry.
I make my own luck. It's mostly bad but still.
Can everyone start saying salad is really bad for me so I can start craving it?
Raisins are just vegetarian jerky.
The first five minutes gym class was brutal. It turns out the first five minutes gym class was only stretching.
Superman had a really trustworthy dry cleaner.
I mixed Krazy Glue with my Prozac. Now it's just glue.
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