If you step on someone's foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
Last night I had a pillow fight using my memory foam pillow. It's a fight I'll never forget.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Xyuppi
Call me a lightweight, but I get drunk on one beer. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the ninth or tenth beer.