Xyuppi
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles. Do your damn job.
What if I told you I could literally cut your phone bill in HALF with an exciting new product called scissors?!
Xyuppi
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember that Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in a dress wasn't really her grandmother
Florida
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they're born AND after they're dead.
Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.