Funny Statuses

My therapist just offered me my money back.
I was addicted to the Hokey-Pokey but I turned myself around.
Free speech my ass. This cell phone bill is outrageous!
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexicаns!"
Hungry isn't even a feeling for me anymore. It's basically a personality trait...
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I'll pretend to love it."
If you've seen one kid on a leash you've seen the mall.
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