Someone complimented my summer tan today and I was too embarrassed to tell them, "At this age, it's my liver spots connecting."
Becoming an adult is probably the dumbest thing I have ever done.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn't go off."
How awkward it would be for the Pro Football Team in San Francisco if that gold rush would've happened 20 years later...
I hope my nintendogs are alright. I haven’t fed them in 6 years.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How crappy was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?