I miss newspapers. It's weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants!
Mummies are just gift wrapped zombies.
If life is supposed to flash in front of your eyes before you die, will Roger Ebert just see a bunch of movie clips?
Don’t take a date to an Olive Garden because when you’re there you’re family, and that’s weird/illegal.
Cyberbilly
Congress is NOT spending money like a bunch of drunk Sailors. Drunk Sailors stop drinking when they run out of money.