If you smoke weed before an eating contest, are you technically on performance enhancing drugs?
I found a spider in my shoes. He looked ridiculous, they're way too big for him
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Xyuppi
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
˙ʇuǝpıɔɔɐ ʎq pɹɐoqʎǝʞ uɐıןɐɹʇsnɐ uɐ ʇɥbnoq ı dןǝɥ
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.