If you ever google "Gary Oldman" for Pete's sake don't forget the "R"
Some people fill their car tires with nitrogen, but I prefer helium. It doesn't help mileage but when I have a blow-out it sounds funnier.
I like to think I'm a pretty honest person, except when my dental hygienist asks me how often I've been flossing.
I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you ?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here !". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions".
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.
"Bitches Get Stitches" is what I'm naming my clinic if I ever become a vet.
musa ayvazov
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.