Funny Statuses

I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
Orion's Belt is a huge waist of space.
Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay again.
#17179
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Florida
If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.
#17347
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Xyuppi
‪The Nation Weather Service has just published instructions on how to bake a lasagna in your mailbox. ‬
#17354
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ZYuppi
It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.
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