Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
Florida
If I live to be 100, I'm gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Mission Impossible? He’s done four of them now. Let’s call it “Mission Pretty Hard but Totally Doable”
Jen
I'm beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
Jon
I don't care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Florida
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
You lost your phone and it's on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.