I'll have a sandwich, hold the mustard. That's right, hold it gently. Now whisper something sexy to it. Good, good.
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.
How come when I stay in bed all day it's "depression," but when animals do it it's "hibernating"?
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Silly phone, that wasn't a "missed" call. That was a "looked and saw who it was and pressed ignore" call.
Some girls are tan and others look like they went face first into a bag of Cheetos.
Disney World is a lot like Viagra. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.