Xyuppi
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
A midget fortuneteller broke out of the county jail. Police report there is a small medium at large.
Xyuppi
My alarm clock and I had a fight this morning. It wanted me to get up, I refused...things escalated. Now I'm awake and it's broken. I am not sure who won the fight.
Cyberbilly
Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders should put their heads together and figure out a way to give everyone free college and make Mexico pay for it.
Cyberbilly
My wife texted me that she was not wearing any underwear. When I got home she was mad at me because I hadn't done the laundry in two weeks.
Xyuppi
Picking your nose doesn't make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Xyuppi
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you'll get if you "fall asleep right now".