Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Amigo
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last year but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway
Amigo
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Amigo
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Amigo
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don't leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
Novell
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.