Funny Statuses

If you're feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.

If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss

Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.

The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?

Do receptionists at sperm banks ever say "Thanks for coming"?

I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.