Amigo
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
Amigo
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Amigo
When I was little I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Amigo
If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
My Tinder Rule: If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you're buying me drinks until you do.
Never trust a girl who doesn't fart. You never know what else she's holding back from you.