I believe in magic because it's the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Halloween - The only holiday that encourages our kids to take a break from not talking to strangers and not taking their free candy.
The ending of Free Willy is awesome, unless you're a seal. Then it's basically like a serial killer jumping into your house.
Cyberbilly
I had 3 happy meals today but none of them worked.
It's so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
Benjamin Uke
If I ever get a puppy I'm going to name it "Grandma" because I can't think of a better word to yell in the woods.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn't need a stage name, pick something else.