If you do it right the first time, they'll ask you to do it again.
Pretty sure the only reason we keep pay phones around are so movie villains can give the main protagonist their next set of instructions
My love for You is like diarrhea I just can't hold it in.
Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kris Humphries was even shorter than the line of Trick-or-Treaters at Casey Anthony's house!
I went to the doctors today because every time I drink tea or coffee I get this terrible stabbing pain in my eyes. He advised me to try removing the spoon from the cup.
My buddy told me he was having sex with twins... I asked how do you tell them apart? He said, "Her brother has a mustache"
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.