Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff.
Last night, my kids saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. That’s the last time we go to that mall.
Just burned 800 calories! My microwave fried my Hot Pockets.
I'm rapidly approaching the age where I will be asking myself each new year, which will I break first? My resolution or my hip?
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Some things are best kept between you and the neighbors. Like a fence, for example.