The world's most masculine conversations are by two men holding expensive purses while their women are shopping.
Hacked into my boyfriend's email. He told his friend some crazy girl is obsessed with him. No mention of a name unfortunately.
My mom asked me how Twitter works so I explained it to her. Then she asked if Twitter is the reason why I don't have a girlfriend.
Tried explaining Twitter to my dad, but his "why would you want to do that?" argument was pretty bulletproof.
Even if I have no idea why you broke up but I see you went from a relationship to single on Facebook, I'm clicking Like just to stir the pot.
Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life. That has to be the longest & most delicious form of suicide I have ever heard.
I love the grocery store. It's the one place where someone always ends up checking me out.