I did nothing again today because I didn’t finish doing it yesterday.
When I see people with big spaces in their teeth I think of all the different things they could stick between them.
Fact: Heat makes objects expand. So there you have it, I'm not overweight, I'm just overheated.
Two questions. Why was she making milkshakes in the yard, and was there not a Dairy Queen in their town?
Falling asleep? Cool. Hey I need to pee like immediately." - my body, every day
When someone asks, "Can I be honest?" before saying something, you have to wonder what the hell they're doing the rest of the time.
Drag racing is just dudes running in dresses, right?