Funny Statuses

It's 2012. How come some restaurants haven't figured out how to split checks? Nobody wants to take a math test after they eat.
To catch a Swedish fish you use a gummy worm.
Slugs are just homeless snails.
I don't half-ass anything, I prefer to make a complete ass of myself.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won't see you guys anymore.
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Cyberbilly
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when the crook gave up and threw the gun at him?
If it weren't for the last minute, my work would never get done.
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