Amigo
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
Amigo
If a 747 can carry a space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bulls*** on an overweight baggage charge.
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
Novell
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
Police should wear red and blue light up shoes for when they have to chase someone on foot.
Novell
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Novell
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.