Funny Statuses

Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn't listening anyway.

I'm really tired after participating in the 5 centimeter charity run for ADHD.

Nice try "blocked number", but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.

Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn't used yet.

I do my best proofreading after I hit send.

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.

Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.