You can't expect me to stick to my resolution to give up booze. I was drunk when I made it.
I don't think that someone who commits a murder suicide is really thinking about the afterlife. How awkward would it be to see the people you just killed after you die?
Cyberbilly
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Vodka mixes well with everything...except decisions.
It would be pretty sweet if girls who get fake boobs also got loud horns implanted so they'd make cool sounds when you squeeze them.
I was just forced to use "Almond Milk" in my cereal. "Do almonds have teets? Where in the hell is almond milk from?"
Cris
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.